I really hate it when things are so uncertain and up in the air. I'm so freaked out by not knowing what is going to happen and what it going on. I never get the good guys, or any guys at all, as I have mentioned before. And after just one date with this dream guy, I'm freaking out, wondering when it will end. It always ends, it never goes well, this is known from my experiences. It's like I'm convinced that nothing is ever going to work out or go right, that it's always going to be like this, since it always has been like this. And it's always them, it's never me. I'm not just saying that because I have a big ego, or because I want to place blame on them, I'm saying it because it's true.
But yeah, I'm already tripping about Mr.G, paranoid about when it's going to end. I can't see myself being so lucky to actually keep this one, you know? I guess that I like to condition myself for the fall, after all of the bad luck that I've had, and after all of the failed relationships that I've had. Make it not as hard, you know? I know that it's going to blow up, which makes me feel better... I guess. Instead of being all oblivious and happy like "Yeah, everything is peachy, I knoooow this one is going to work out", I keep it all realistic... so it won't hurt as much when it does fall apart. I don't want to feel like it's all a fairy tale, which after a few more dates, I'm sure that it will. I want to keep grounded, so I don't get hurt as much when it ends... as it always does.
It doesn't have to end, it doesn't have to be fated to end, it just always does for some reason. There has to be a good reason, I'm sure, as I trust Fate. But there are always those that I wish wouldn't have ended, though I realize that it was good for it to end, after I take a look at it when it's over. I see ways that things with Mr.G could go wrong, but I just hope that I can keep my cool and everything can go right for once. Gotdamn, I wish that I didn't worry about this so much. I'm worrying so much over something that has just begun. This guy is so awesome, he could mean so much to me. I just really don't want anything to go wrong this time. Cripes, I had tears coming to my eyes earlier, though they did not fall. I worry about everything way too much, especially my love life.
Ugh, dating is so stressful, you don't ever know what it going to happen from one moment to the next. It could be over in the blink of an eye, without even as much as a shitty explanation. After you've been together for several months, everything is so much more secure. Sure, it could still end at any time, but at least there is more of a chance of talking and working through things. More of a chance of not getting dumped over some stupid little shit, since the guy has more time invested in you, and might not jump ship at the sight of a slightly rough wave approaching. But dating, could end at any moment, could end without a goodbye. Could end without trying to patch things up or talking about what went wrong.
Wouldn't it be nice if we could just skip to the good stuff? Skip all of the worrying and just get to the real love? Communicate and work on things, instead of just giving up at the first sign of trouble. You never know what you could be missing, just from a lack of communication or from making up your mind before all of the facts are known. I'll feel much better after I go out on another date with him, as things start to become more stable. I really want to have things work out, but if they aren't going to, I want them to be over within the next month. I can't take too much of this, and I hate seeming like a weak lovestruck little girl. It makes me feel horrible to feel like this, to worry so much over a guy, especially when it has just started. That's how cool this guy is, I am telling you... you have no idea.
On another note, todays "What the fuck is wrong with people?" story is brought to you by this guy. And also, RIP Don Knotts, one of the greatest ever.
Edit: Added new Bluetooth headset for my phone to my wishlist. Just paid about $800 in bills on various things a few hours ago... wanted to pay more on everything than I have been, so I don't think that I will be buying this for myself for a long time.
But yeah, I'm already tripping about Mr.G, paranoid about when it's going to end. I can't see myself being so lucky to actually keep this one, you know? I guess that I like to condition myself for the fall, after all of the bad luck that I've had, and after all of the failed relationships that I've had. Make it not as hard, you know? I know that it's going to blow up, which makes me feel better... I guess. Instead of being all oblivious and happy like "Yeah, everything is peachy, I knoooow this one is going to work out", I keep it all realistic... so it won't hurt as much when it does fall apart. I don't want to feel like it's all a fairy tale, which after a few more dates, I'm sure that it will. I want to keep grounded, so I don't get hurt as much when it ends... as it always does.
It doesn't have to end, it doesn't have to be fated to end, it just always does for some reason. There has to be a good reason, I'm sure, as I trust Fate. But there are always those that I wish wouldn't have ended, though I realize that it was good for it to end, after I take a look at it when it's over. I see ways that things with Mr.G could go wrong, but I just hope that I can keep my cool and everything can go right for once. Gotdamn, I wish that I didn't worry about this so much. I'm worrying so much over something that has just begun. This guy is so awesome, he could mean so much to me. I just really don't want anything to go wrong this time. Cripes, I had tears coming to my eyes earlier, though they did not fall. I worry about everything way too much, especially my love life.
Ugh, dating is so stressful, you don't ever know what it going to happen from one moment to the next. It could be over in the blink of an eye, without even as much as a shitty explanation. After you've been together for several months, everything is so much more secure. Sure, it could still end at any time, but at least there is more of a chance of talking and working through things. More of a chance of not getting dumped over some stupid little shit, since the guy has more time invested in you, and might not jump ship at the sight of a slightly rough wave approaching. But dating, could end at any moment, could end without a goodbye. Could end without trying to patch things up or talking about what went wrong.
Wouldn't it be nice if we could just skip to the good stuff? Skip all of the worrying and just get to the real love? Communicate and work on things, instead of just giving up at the first sign of trouble. You never know what you could be missing, just from a lack of communication or from making up your mind before all of the facts are known. I'll feel much better after I go out on another date with him, as things start to become more stable. I really want to have things work out, but if they aren't going to, I want them to be over within the next month. I can't take too much of this, and I hate seeming like a weak lovestruck little girl. It makes me feel horrible to feel like this, to worry so much over a guy, especially when it has just started. That's how cool this guy is, I am telling you... you have no idea.
On another note, todays "What the fuck is wrong with people?" story is brought to you by this guy. And also, RIP Don Knotts, one of the greatest ever.
Edit: Added new Bluetooth headset for my phone to my wishlist. Just paid about $800 in bills on various things a few hours ago... wanted to pay more on everything than I have been, so I don't think that I will be buying this for myself for a long time.
posted by Unknown @ 6:55 AM
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