I just had the most amazing date! Yeah, a date that actually went well, can you believe it? I need to think of a good name for him, since I won't be using his real name, as he is a local celeb type. I'll think of that later, and tell you about the date for now. I met him on the internet, actually. Didn't think that it was him at first, but came to find out that it was. We talked for a little while and then decided that we would go out. I wanted to go out on Wednesday, but that wasn't good with his schedule, so we decided on Friday. Luckily, and a very unusual thing, I actually had Friday off. I don't usually get weekends off, so I was happy about all of that.

I went to his place, where we talked for a little while, then he went into his room to finish getting ready. (Let's call him Mr.G, I've decided on that) Anywho, he came back out, looking so dashing. Does anyone say that anymore.. "dashing"? He wore all black, and it looked soooo good on him, he was yummy. He's the "all American boy" looking type, so I was a bit nervous that he wouldn't like me, even though he had already seen my pictures. I'm the self proclaimed "Dark Alternative Goddess", so I get nervous around guys like him, that have the traditional good looks.

We took his car to go bowling, then to a nice Chinese place, then back to his place. I had a lot of fun, and it was nice to have a real date, instead of one of those things where you just meet at a bar and stay there for the whole date. I don't ever have real dates like this, so I had a great time, even though we sucked at bowling. We talked and watched some tv, then made out for a little while, then played a game on his Playstation. He started the make out session, which shocked the hell out of me, especially when I wasn't expecting him to appreciate my alternative looks. We didn't have sex though, we both agreed that we weren't the "sex on the first date when you like someone" type. Yeah, I won't fuck someone right away if I actually like them, that only leads to trouble and there isn't any suspense that way.

I was nervous as fuck all of the way to his place, not because of what he does, but because of what he looks like. He knew that I was nervous, and I told him the same, that it was because of how cute he was- not because of what he does. I told him that he could be a ditch digger for all I care, that I would still be nervous because he's so cute. I was a bit apprehensive during the date, since I didn't want to start liking him too much, in case shit went down in flames. I'm still a little nervous about the whole thing, because I could see myself liking him very easily. He's very smart, very cute, well off, and very driven. I never get the ones that are so put together like that... I never get any at all as far as boyfriends go, actually.

After the whole Josh thing, which I fell for him very quickly, and then that ended up going down like the Hindenburg a month after it started. I just don't want to get into some shit like that again, that's the thing that really scares me. I don't know... I guess that it's because I'm not the typical beauty- the sorority girl type or the natural girl next door. And the fact that I don't have a good education or a good job. I'm kinda just here, I don't have anything going on right now, even though I have plans for the things that I eventually want to do in the future. Actually, it's usually the guy when it comes to problems in the relationships, as it has been for my last two boyfriends. I guess that I shouldn't be as worried as I am, I think that I've always had that problem.

I know that he's physically into me, with the making out and all, and I know that he enjoys talking to me. I think that I should just go with the flow on this one, but try to not fall so quickly. I'm going to enjoy what is happening while it is going on, but not get super deep into it until I see that it is really time to get super deep into it. Which is really easier said than done, as I have experienced many times before. I didn't think that I would fall for Josh so hard after the whole Matt thing, but I did. I guess that it took two strikes before I realized that I am on my last strike, and don't want to do it again. If something else gets all fucked up in my dating like, I'm going to be giving up for a while, so this is my third strike. Yep, this boy is it, so we'll see how it goes. If something comes to me, I won't deny it, but I'm not going out looking for anything if this blows up in a bad way.

Jeebus, I'm so fired up about all of this, I really need to relax. I think that I put so much time and energy into thinking about a person, since I usually have nothing to think about except for all of the weird left field shit that I usually think about. If I'm dating someone, it gives me something to think about, to put time into. Then all of my thinking is for a purpose, not just a waste of time thinking about all kinds of strange shit. Something to occupy me, besides my computer and work, which is a good thing. I play my online games and internet stuff way too much, I need to get out there and have a real life. However, there isn't much of a real life to be had around here, so it's nice to find someone to concentrate on.

Now that I've got all of this out of my system by writing it down here, I should be alright. I think that I just needed to vent it all out, let it go on "paper", albeit vitrual paper. Really, I'm going to be alright... seriously! I'm just going to go with it, instant message with him back and forth, and see what we're going to do next week or whenever. -smile-