I'm beginning to think that there isn't anyone out there for me. My army guy and I had a falling out, I'm not even quite sure what happened there. I was thinking about going down there to be with him, and when I decided that I wanted to, something blew up- kinda. It was just one of those things, you know how it is. The shit that hits you from out of the blue, as fast as it came, it was gone. But there's only a few different kinds of guys (that I've ran across so far)-

- The guy that just wants some ass. (a lot of those out there)
- The guy that has a totally different schedule than I do. (he works during the day and during the week, I work in the evening and during the weekends and week)
- The guy who is just stupid as hell. (lots of those on the personals site that I'm on)
- The nice guys who just aren't up to my looks standards (hey, gotta have standards!)
- The guy who everyone wants. (I don't go for that type, too many bad things can happen there)
- The guys who just live too damn far away (get a lot of those on the personals site too)

Some of those are the types of guys that I meet on the internet personals, and some of those are the guys that I meet in real life, and some of those are both. It seems that there is just so much bullshit out there recently, and that nobody wants to have a relationship anymore. I'm ready to get married, you know? I'm ready to find someone that I want to settle down with and probably get married to within a year. I'm tired of playing all of the games, tired of booty calls, tired of talking to stupid ass guys that aren't in it for the long haul.

Getting tired of going to Athens, the older I get, the more I hate it. Those kids are just so much different than I am, even though they aren't a whole lot younger than me. (most of them are 20-24, it seems) They're just in a different place, doing different things, wanting different things. They just want to play, and party, and do drugs and have sex and drink. That used to be cool for me (except the drugs part), but I'm just not there anymore, I've grown as a person. I still like to have fun, like playing pool and the computer games and stuff, but I want to settle down when it comes to my life.

I want to be someones wife, you know? Hell, I can't even find a boyfriend, so I don't know how the hell I'm going to find a husband. It just doesn't seem like the guys that I find aesthetically pleasing are the types of guys that want to have a relationship or get married. I usually seem to end up talking to guys that are a little bit younger than I am, so that's probably part of the problem. But it seems that a lot of guys my age are like that too. I guess that it's just hard to find someone that I like that's around here and is in the same mindset that I am.

I've just been alone for so long. I haven't ever had a good relationship, really. I'm used to being alone, and I don't have to be with someone, but it would just be nice. I know that I've said it before, but I usually just stuff these feelings down and move along with life. I guess that I'm just tired of doing that, you know? I want things to change, but ypu just can't have control over the realm of love. -sigh-

On a lighter note, I got my computer stuff yesterday! It is the most amazing thing, it's so good looking and fast. It's got the ram (1 gig), hard drive (300 gigs) and graphics card (a nice radeon) from my other computer in it. I bought a kick ass motherboard (asus brand), P4 3.2ghz processor (socket 775), and a dvd burner, and this super kickasstastic case (which looks so much better in person). I put my new Newegg Preferred card to a good use, I tell ya. It was about time I upgraded, so I just got a sweet ass case to go with it.

My sleep schedule got all fucked up from staying up for a little over 24 hours working on it and playing with it. It wasn't working at first, since I had something fucked up when I was putting it together, and the guy at the computer shop thought that I fried the motherboard. However, when I took it home, I figured out what had to be done (using some of the info that he gave me and using my own info and intuition) and fixed it. It's funny, I'm smarter than the guy at the computer shop, kinda. Actually, after the info that he gave and and with all the shit that I already know, I am better than him. I knew that it wasn't fuckered up, and he didn't, so I win.

I'm downloading Memoirs of a Geisha right now, and am getting ready to download some souped up version of Windows XP (the borg version). I need to talk to my internet people, as even though I have a cable modem, I never seem to download above 40k a second- and that's on a gooood day. When it comes to P2P, I am downloading at between 7k-20k a second, which is all fucked up. It's always been like that, but I just haven't worried with bitching at them about it yet. But now that I have a dvd burner, and am going to be burning those out the ass, I'm going to need a little pep in my internet step.

Actually, that borg version of xp is just so huge that I might need to download a not as badass version. When I'm downloading, it's like I'm fucking crawling, compared to what I think I should be. I'll ask my coworker (arch nemisis) from work about his connection speed, he has the same company that I do. Maybe I can get some insight into why the fuck I'm downloading so slow. It would be nice to download a movie in faster than 24 or more straight hours. When I do certain other things, I have to put the downloading on pause, since it's so slow that it would drive me nuts to do certain things and not pause it.

I'll write again soon, I am just setting up my computer and trying to get things all straight again. And working through the whole being all alone issue and everything. Everything is going better at work, so that's a good thing. Things are looking up for me, except for in the relationship area.